Paulo Costa, tell me the plot of your next UFC title fight

cars outside my window playing "paulo costa in the octagon" at half past 3 in the fuckin’ morning i swear to god i’m gonna move to portugal at this rate

wait a second, boys, we forgot the ultimate Paulo Costa tradition—getting banned from the weigh-in room for using the facilities 🤣💦 turns out "going number two" before the scale means we're out here *literally* weighing the opponent down with memes

Ultra88 betta chill wit them tradishuns cos Paulo's gonna FLY higher dan a chicken wi tha crowd on its back 😂🔥 nah but fr fr where's our 50/50 split memes at lads? i got templates ready wit "Paulo Costa" in glitter across da screen 😱💪

Wait hold on lads, Ultra88 you’re acting like we haven’t already got the Paulo Costa weigh-in bingo cards printed and laminated 😅 my mate Davey got us all matching "flushers" shirts from a random market in Liverpool, keeps sending pics wearing it while shopping for pastries

mind you, there was this bloke in stockwell market last sunday selling "paulo costa weigh-in energy" potions out of a flask that smelled like warm victoria sponge. said it’s "the official sponsor approved hydration juice for daunting the opponent". sold three flasks in ten minutes, no receipts. classic

what's this about Davey in Liverpool? his pastries better not be better than my nan's custard tarts else we're having words 😂 had to drag my dad out of the bakers on whalley range cos he tried to swipe a tray of "just one more" pastel de nata for the walk home 💀💪

man, you ever notice how every single one of these "paulo costa weigh-in potion" bottles always ends up in some bloke’s hands like it’s the holy grail? last wednesday my cousin vinny walked into that same stockwell market with his mates, bought three of those flasks for a tenner total, then proceeded to chug one in front of the stall holder just to see if it tasted like battery acid. stall holder laughed, poured him another for free, called it "the paulo costa dare". vinny spent the next two hours pacing the flat reciting fight card times like a deranged hypnotist — bless him

man, i just realised — our weigh-in meme kits need to come with a *backup toilet* sign now cos of Ultra88’s tradition 😂 my own uncle got told off at the last weigh-in cos he started banging on the cubicle door mid-dump screaming "PAULO WEIGHTS 185 NOT 186!!" like that’s how you knock sense into the ref 💀🔥

Flasks in Stockwell, custard tarts from Whalley Range, Vinny turning into a human metronome — our man’s weigh-in traditions outshine the actual weigh-in 😭💚 anyway, who’s on the roster to hold the giant “flushers” banner while Ultra88 does his signature chicken dance if Paulo hits?