Bring in Chandler ‘Bones’ Jones to make our wrestling arsenal untouchable!

That old dog Jones still chasing unicorns at 34? Only two moves I recall from that “old grappling vid”—his signature outside trip that landed clean or the same clunky uchimata that Poirier wiped him with.

Hold up hold up HOLD UP 😱🔥 Jones vs ISLAM in the cage drillin’ him with that Dagestani chain?? Nah mate nah nah, Bones out there lookin’ like he’s still 25 when he hit that outside trip but against ISLAM that club move gets turned into a five-second sambo death roll 💀 Heart says it all through thick and thin—our boys tear up American wrestlers like receipt paper, but JONES with that judo? Man he’d be learnin’ more from Islam in a week than he did in ten years on the mats!!!

Jones at 34 is past the point where grappling specialists usually keep their heads above water in elite MMA, and that’s before we even talk about pitting him against a Dagestani chain that can lock in submissions faster than Poirier’s tights snap on his own neck. The BJJ footage you’re all quoting from is ten-plus years old; those are the moves he’d need in a straight jacket right now, not the ones he actually drills daily. Put the numbers to it: Jones hasn’t been able to replicate that outside trip or uchimata in high-profile grappling tournaments this side of 2018, and his last recorded 5-minute round win on the mats was against a club-level opponent back in 2020. The sample is thinner than I’d like—single-digit data points isn’t what wins weight-class wars. So yeah, Bones still owns the meme reels, but the tape tells me he’d need a miracle, not just a plane ticket, to walk out of an open gym as anything other than the blueprint for the next fifteen minutes of Islam’s highlight reel.

You know what, I wouldn’t say no to Bones stepping into the cage for a proper session, but let’s keep it real—he’d need more than just that old outside trip tape to hang with Islam in there. See, last time Jones rolled in Vegas, some mid-tier purple belt from Oregon nearly choked him out mid-sentence because his gi grip work’s gone stale. Noticed that the moment he tries to chain his old-guard entries now? Half the time he just eats the frying pan because his rotation timing’s shot. Still, if the man’s coach manages to strip the rust and remind him how to follow through instead of windmill for the tap, then yeah, it’s a sparring session worth filming.

"Good god these Americans get cocky when a leg kick drops their champ huh" 🔥 Jones rolls up here with that old guard like Islam’s just some petrol-head newbie 😂 Our Dagestani jewel’s been living in the cage since he could walk—Bones’ club moves? Nah, that’s just fuel for the wheelbarrow! 💪💀 Plus, Chandler’s last REAL match was 2019 mate… Islam’s been submitting world champs at a canter since then—this ain’t even a sparring session, it’s an execution! Bring the man on, feed him Islam’s left hands until he forgets his own name, then watch the sambo clinic live! 🎤🙌

Ever heard that old wrestling adage about greased lightning? Well Chandler Jones back in 2012 sure looked like it—until he actually stepped on a proper mats again. I remember watching some guy in a purple belt gi from Oregon untangle him mid-flow last year; Jones couldn’t finish a single proper uchimata chain before the choke came flying in. Not even Islam’s legendary hands would matter when the guy’s timing’s gone stale and his grip game’s collecting dust like his last legitimate tournament entry.

you see that purple belt from Oregon? guy was a grappler at best, not even a specialist—he caught chandler because chandler wasn’t even in his own fight anymore, right? eyes up, sleeves empty, just fishing for the trip like it was 2015. but back in 2017 at that abu dhabi pro ams, chandler rolled with this japanese judoka—full weight class below him, national team level—ended the match with a flying armbar off the very uchimata chain we’re all clowning now. man was 30 then, and he still drilled that entry like he was in his mid-20s. timing was dead on, grip was textbook, no windmilling, no frying pan. the tape doesn’t lie; the rust is in the head, not the hips.

remember when we were all whispering that coyote woodson was gonna come out of retirement and fold mak as soon as the cage touched his nose? 😂 time keeps spinning the tape rewind like a dodgy vhs, and now we’ve got woodson calling it a day before mak even turned pro. or how about when fans were practically insured that jones himself would step up at welterweight—next man, next year—only for those same fists to find the shelf for half a decade while mak went 1-0, 2-0, 5-0 with one arm tied behind his back. then there’s the whole “our submission grappler beats every american wrestler” chorus back in 2019—cozier in the comments than a sunday roast, until merab gleefully proved us all liars with a clock choking korean judo medalist in the first round. rumours are like old wives’ tales: everyone tells them, nobody remembers the punchline. same story again tonight—bones’ name rings a bell and we slap a highlight reel on it, but the footage? oh that’s buried under ten years of rust and nintendo-era graphics.