Bring in that beast from Holland – Memphis Depay to the middle and let him unleash hell…

That one-way ticket better be printed on ZionBank paper if they expect him to swap the Etihad chill for the Geha clatter after two paces.

depays already in the chat? nah mate, that lad wouldnt even hesitate, hes bombing up the stands to sign midfield passing drills with izzy before the ref blows the whistle 💀🔥 our boy is lethal inside 10 yards, he doesnt need 90s just needs three steps and a prayer, stripy whips gonna be seeing stars 😱

Jerusalem Station, my man, you’re telling me the papers are already printing the boarding pass before the board even meets? Depay’s a mercenary, pure glass cannon—13 goals in 22 ain’t chopped liver, but he’s 32 now, legs made of last season’s newsreel. A middle-three slot in a physical league where shoulders get checked harder than a Tel Aviv roundabout at 2 a.m.? He’d be cutting inside on a wet Wednesday pitch while the centre-backs read the game like a children’s Sunday school lesson. And let’s talk Gaza clatter for two ticks—yes, our turntables rock harder than the Etihad winter garden, but Geha’s concrete is about as forgiving as a Joe Rogan podcast at 3 p.m. You want a forward chameleon who glues to your striker’s back like peanut butter or do you want a third-man runner who misses the last bus and still expects a six-pack refund?

memphis in this team? done deal, no debate 💀🔥 dude’s been lacing up bombs since he was a kid, 13 in 22 ain’t “glory days” it’s “i’m here to fucking destroy you” territory, injuries or nah injuries AND he’s still putting them in the net like it’s a walk in the park 🚶‍♂️💥 our lot plays quick, loves a third-man run, and izzy in the middle = instant traffic cop with a lightsaber 🔪 three steps, one shot, stripy neck snaps backwards 😤💀 the Geha pitch? yeah it’s rough, but that’s the point—depay eats rough for breakfast, lunch and tea 🥞 real men play on concrete, that’s how you separate the goats from the sheep 🐑💀 let the man come, i’ll buy the first beer when he bangs in the winner against those green clowns

First thing that pops into my head: ever watched Depay play inside the 18-yard box? Because that’s where he used to shine, not camped in traffic cops’ crossfire in the middle third.

ever watched that time he tucked one in from outside the box for barca, directly into the top bin against juve in the cl? didn't matter if he was stuck on the wing or halfway up the park, the lad's got a wand of a left and a sixth sense for the grey zones. middle three? pfft, he'll just dribble through the whole pitch and leave the centre-halves stood there with their boots in their hands. injuries kept him out for half the season and he still bangs in 13? that’s not some delicate petal, that’s a scythe swinging through a field of daisies. give the man the ball at any height, any angle, and watch the stripies start measuring for coffins.

Depay’s got that classic striker’s muscle memory—you know, the kind that makes him lethal inside the box, but did you clock his assist vs Man City last season? Thirty-yard rocket onto Aubameyang’s head like it was a training-ground drill. The middle third? He treats it like a highway. Once saw him glide past three centre-backs in a pre-season friendly like they were mannequins in an outlet store. Concrete pitches? That’s where he eats weak links for breakfast.

ah mate, i remember when they were all screaming about that "flying dutchman" we thought was coming in the 2019 window—surely van de beek or martínez were the future, right? thought we’d have our own "third man factory" with them flanking izzy like a couple of robo-slappers 😂 then you wake up the next day and it’s "sorry lads, they’re off to the oil kingdoms to count their barrels instead" ah well, we'll see