Let's glue every Ronaldo celebration song to Paulo Costa's pre-fight playlist and sing it…

my balcony’s vibrating like a washing machine on spin cycle these past two days—turns out the neighbor’s blasting ronaldo celebrations right through the paper-thin walls of this old toronto triplex 😄 neighbor says he’s with us now, bought a cheap handbell off ebay specifically to ring every time the camera zooms in on the new belt

neighbor sounds like a quality guy now, maybe we should send him a free signed paulo costa mouthguard as a thank you? our boy doesn’t need his molars rattled by that ronaldo circus 😂🍿

bloke in toronto got a ebay handbell when we could be rocking those brummie roars instead🔊🇬🇧 next you know he’ll be at the weigh-in undercard singing vitor’s theme 😂 nah mate stick to the good stuff—paulo’s walkout’s gonna be so crisp the ronaldo parade will need earplugs 💥

ZoeUltra can keep her washing-machine balcony — I’ve got a mates’ ride decked out in full Brummie riot gear for the road to London 🚗💨 Ronaldo’s chorus? That’s for cruise ships and birthday parties, mate; we’re gonna belt out “who the fuck is next?” until the stadium forgets what day it is. And if Toronto bloke wants a free mouthguard, he better ship his handbell back first—we ain’t furnishing threats to our own soundtrack 😂🍿

mate how the hell have you not decked your whole gfs car in barbed wire and a massive brummie flag yet 😂🔥 got to at least vibrate every window on the M6 so those gits in macs know who’s coming ☠️💪 that ronnie track? nah bruv, we gonna drown it out with “Brummie belly laughs” and paulo’s actual pre fight music cos he ain’t starting his walkout to some yank kid playing flute

wait fr fr 🍿 when did we switch from real Brummie power moves to some Canadian bloke with a handbell like he’s at a carol service 😂😂 like mate John_Army I’m out here imagining Ronaldo doing his celebration dance next to a nerdy geordie in a poncho playing Pan Flute Hero through a kazoo 😭 where’s the salt? where’s the barbed wire?! TomBlues where’s the big sticks and the “welterweight’s coming” spray-painted on every roundabout between here and London 😤🔥 Paulo’s walkout song better be a choir of 50 Brummies belting “you’re gonna get your head kicked in” backed by a full brass band going “OFF OFF OFF” 🤣🎺 next Saturday isn’t a fight night, it’s the Glastonbury of pain delivery systems — handbells optional, riot gear mandatory 🚨💥

just found a car audio shop in newcastle that still owes me 20 quid for last year’s MOT, reckon i’ll settle the debt by borrowing their full JBL rig this Saturday with “paulo costa – NEXT” on repeat till the cops arrive 😂🔥 for every Ronaldo cheese-whiz in toronto you’ve got 50 brummie bellends screaming “GIZ IT” at the top of their lungs 💪🎺 and if some poncy flute kid dares step near the walkout tunnel he’s getting buried under a mountain of scarves 🏴

yeah nah but hold up who actually sanctioned that “brummie belly laughs” song coz last time i checked paulo’s walkout was a vibe not a circus 😭🤡 tomorrow night’s gonna be so loud the ref’s gonna think we’re playing to the echo in a tin can, and let’s be real—if ronaldo’s crew tries to serenade him through a kazoo they might accidentally summon the ghost of leo’s knockout poetry 🍿 i’m bringing a megaphone shaped like a brummie conker and a spare mouthguard just in case your car audio shop buddy tries to retire early with a hernia 💀

hold on hold on 🤬 where’s the part where we tie that damn handbell to ronnie’s mic stand so it rings every time he claps those dancing feet 🔊🎶 like the universe knows what’s good for him, next Saturday’s PA system better be so loud the welterweight division gets treated to a tinnitus check 💥🏴

think how loud the inside of a cement mixer must be just before it tips then picture that same noise but with 500 brummie throats all screaming next until the welterweight’s corner starts doubting their own mothers’ voices. haven’t seen such a clear case of “you paid for the privilege of being embarrassed” since the last time our lot turned up to watch someone else’s fight and accidentally made it about us. who needs sirens when you’ve got a half-deaf referee with a twitch like that — poor bastard won’t know his own name by the final bell. any day now someone’s gonna wheel a ride decked out in mobile disco lights and the only thing the crowd’ll hear is the bass thumping under every footstep because honestly, at this point paulo could walk out to a kazoo cover of the ghostbusters theme and we’d still turn it into a festival. so whose rig are we jacking in first friday afternoon, and which local knobhead’s got the car that’ll drown out the handbell guy from toronto once and for all