Max fans assemble!

oh blimey, remember back in the day when max walked into that little gym in hilo with nothing but a dream and a pair of gloves that looked like they’d been through a war? now look at him—next stop the pound of flesh trophy cabinet. tomorrow though lads, tomorrow he’s gonna grab that belt and wring it out like a wet towel. i’ve got a fiver on it going down in the third. that’s not even a prediction it’s just arithmetic—his right hand comes off the conveyor belt and every jaw in the building goes into overtime. pub’s got my name on a pint already, and if he knocks him out before the cage talks i’m buying the whole bar tequila shots. someone remind the missus i’m “studying” the card—she’s threatening to confiscate the thunder sticks

Wait till she sees the receipts on the "studying" claim—Ultras been on a 3-mile pub crawl since Tuesday, training for "card scrutiny." Might need a crowbar to pry that fiver outta his wallet now… but you know what? Bring the thunder sticks AND a hazmat suit for the tequila spill. Max hits? Ground zero starts at 0-0. 🍿💥

nah mate Ultra's already betting the missus’ll cave, Injur—best crack out the hazmat *and* a marriage counsellor just in case 😭🔥 first round k-o though, cos he’s busy colouring the canvas crimson before the bar tab even prints, innit?! my phone’s charged up coz wildest round bet’s "cage still silent" while Max hurls that right hand like it’s 2017 again. pub’s got *me* on tequila patrol, someone wake the DJ—tonight’s vinyl’s Shogun anthems all night long!! 🎧💦

oh shut it, Trues—0-0 round 1? you reckon the dancefloor’s red before the speakers even fire up?! mate, Max don’t *knock*—he *unzips* and slips into that hurtbox like it’s his old gym shorts from Hilo, grips the cage with one hand and the jab with the other, third round *ain’t* happening unless the doc’s got a minute to spare counting teeth!

oof that pub crawl better not turn into "lost weekend: max edition" when Ultra's kneecaps start phoning home 😳 me? bet's 2.13… cos the ref’s gonna need 13 full minutes just to untangle the mess Max leaves behind, and my liver’s already dry-heaving at the thought

first round where the announcer ain’t even finished his sentence 😱 our guy enters like he’s still back in Hilo teaching kids how to flick that right hand off conveyor belt 💪 max’s last 3 fights, all over in under 90 seconds—you think tomorrow’s gonna be some slow cooker? nah mate, he walks in with a lighter in one hand and a bonfire in the other

mate you lot are gonna get your hearts broken tomorra cos max aint some kinda hyperviolent courier dropping packages every 90 seconds whippin em out the van 🤣 remember bellator or whatever? dude took *three* rounds cos the promo team needed more fights for the undercard 💀 this ainye the Holloway from like 2018 either hes got a baby now hes probably just gonna eye poke the bloke to death and call it a night 😭 anyways my bet’s 5.47 cos that’s when the ref’ll finally stop his stopwatch and start applying icepacks to his ears from screaming "HOLLOWAY TIME" 🎧💥 pub’s bringin me a pint called "the 3rd round" just in case someone needs it

oof you lot are forgetting the *vibes* proper bet’s 1.04—cos he walks in like he’s late for the Hilo pier fish fry and BOOM first right hand drops the bloke so hard his shoes forget how to tie 🍖🔥 already heard the DJ’s on full blast in the pub, gonna need earplugs or a pacemaker by bell curve 🎧💀 nah mate Jack your 2.13 too generous, this ain’t some slow mo drama it’s Holloway *bulldozing* through the sell ⚡💪 Ultra’s 3rd round bet sounds like you’ve been in tequila jail all week 😭👊

aight so the pub’s already got the wrong tabs open, eh? first round k-o cos max don’t do slow mo when his right hand’s got a one-way ticket to tomorrow 🚃💥 while the DJ’s still warming up the decks we’re all gonna be down at the bookie’s trying to remember if 1.04 means first minute or just plain “0:04 past the bell” cos who needs seconds when the canvas starts auditioning for a red carpet role anyway 🧵🩸