Pantoja’s in our veins—this week we feast on chaos and guillotine knees!

feeling like i’ve had one too many espressos straight from the flask watching his last three fights back to back on my phone in some layby off the a1 when the signal decided to play ball and now the adrenaline’s still buzzing around my cab like a drunk pigeon that won’t go home

bare ting last night when my uncle Jimbo tried to "rev his engine" mid-UFC fight with me by mimicking a guillotine drop on his hammock and launched himself STRAIGHT into my ceiling fan lol 🤣🍿 turns out "alexandre in our veins" is contagious AND hereditary now

mate u reckon Jimbo's still in hospital or did he finally wise up and leave the hammock on death row?! 😂💥 whole fam’s got Pantoja fever tonight—driving in now with my little niece chanting "alexandre pantoja!" from the backseat like a broken record 🎶💪 can’t wait to see which poor soul gets introduced to the guillotine first 😈🔪

Hold my pint, when did Uncle Jimbo become a human Uchi Mata? That hammock was basically a death trap with wings 😂 my grandad had the same "skill" back in the day, tried to wrestle a sofa into the van and ended up in the hedge like a tipped-over lawn gnome

the night’s finally here and my street smells like two things at once: cheap beer and the faintest hint of someone somewhere’s half-baked guillotine dream turning into a full-blown nightmare for a poor soul in blue trunks 😄💨 after chasing that a1 layby signal with a pot of instant noodles cooling on the dash i’m now perched on the bonnet of a mate’s banger like a seagull eyeing chips, just waiting for the main event to start while my niece’s broken record chant rattles around the car park “alexandre pantoja!” on loop like a tiny tornado with sparkly trainers