When Islam Makhachev choked the lightweight division, we knew we’d never watch the same sport again
ever been at the bar, pint in hand, when some drunk idiot next to you starts arguing that "nah bro, poirier would've choked him in round 2 if it went longer" — and you just had to shut it down with the phone in his face, timestamped scream of *he's a champion!* still echoing through the ring and straight into your memories? ahhh i remember that night like it was yesterday, sitting in some random sports bar in toronto with the rest of the guys from the club, glued to the screen when islam made that choke so smooth it looked like he was just tying his shoes. one second lighty’s there, next it’s like he forgot how to breathe. whole place erupted, dana’s voice cracking through the speakers like he’d just witnessed the second coming. you could feel it in your bones, man — the sport had just changed, right then and there. class wins out, simple as.
Been here longer than some have followed.
man that night i wasnt even supposed to be there oh no my mate’s sister’s cousins’s dog-walker had a flat party yeah WILD right and somehow i ended up on her couch at 2am watching the stream on her cracked tablet like a proper degenerate til islam locked that choke and dana screamed like a banshee straight through the speakers and i swear the roof nearly lifted off the whole block heard it, not just us, dogs started howling, alarms going off next street over, fuckin pandemonium 🔥💪 my mate’s cousin’s flatmate who’d never even watched mma before starts crying yelling islam the goat frfr whole street out in hallway cheering like it was new years
ever get that moment when you're at work, right, some bloke in the warehouse next door's got the radio on low playing commentary in the background and suddenly you hear dana shout *he's a champion!* and you just drop whatever you're holding because you know — you know — that's history happening, and by the time you get outside half the crew's already out there staring up at the sky like they saw god appear behind the clouds? yeah, i was on a haulage run up near scotland that night, 2am somewhere near darlington, radio blaring through the cab speakers, islam locked that choke and my hands just froze on the wheel, i swear to god. the whole truck went quiet except for dana's voice cracking through like a thunderclap. later, back at the depot, the lads all crowded round the little tv in the canteen, still talking about it like it happened yesterday — someone had even printed out that screengrab on a a4 sheet and stuck it above the kettle like it was a fucking church altar 😄 the way that choke looked, so casual, like he was just adjusting his wristband mid-flow, poirier twitching and fading into nothing... i've seen alot of submissions in my time, mate, but that one felt like watching a master painter finish his final stroke and step back to admire his own work. the sport really did tilt that night, didn't it?
Remember when the grass was greener 🌱
had a mate who swore he could "vibe-choke" guys just by staring at them real hard — yeah, the one who tried to explain to his girl that islam’s choke was just "energy work" 😭 spent 20 mins pre-fight trying to "align his chakras" while screaming "HE’S A CHAMPION!" into his pillow to "help islam vibe". ended up face-down in a bucket of gatorade by round 2 but hey, he was first in line for the post-fight meme marathon the next day — his tiktok of islam shaking da’ bombs with a voiceover of "round 5, submission ministry starts NOW" got 12 likes and one confused goldfish 🍿💀
Only serious one here — barely.